AITA for refusing to pay for a coat i chucked because it was left at my house for months.

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Friendship Fallout Over a Forgotten Coat

In a heated exchange between two friends, one woman grapples with the fallout of a long-standing friendship strained by misunderstandings and emotional turmoil. After a significant argument, the friend requests the return of a coat left at her house for months, only to discover it has been donated. This situation raises questions about accountability, communication, and the complexities of friendships, especially when mental health factors are involved. It’s a relatable scenario for many, highlighting how easily friendships can unravel over seemingly small issues, prompting readers to reflect on their own relationships.

Am I the Asshole for Donating My Friend’s Coat?

In this situation, a 22-year-old woman is reflecting on a conflict with her friend, whom we’ll call Belle, aged 20. The friendship has been strained, leading to family drama and tension. Here’s a breakdown of the events:

Background: The friendship between the narrator and Belle has been rocky for some time. Belle had previously stayed with the narrator after being kicked out of her flat.
Recent Argument: A significant argument occurred over text, where the narrator’s communication style was criticized. The narrator, who has autism, found the situation confusing. Despite her attempts to explain, Belle felt victimized and accused the narrator of not making an effort in their friendship.
Complicated Relationships: The tension escalated due to Belle’s past romantic involvement with the narrator’s brother, which had caused further strain in their friendship.
Blocking Communication: After the argument, Belle blocked the narrator, preventing any further discussion.

Fast forward to the present day:

Coat Retrieval: Belle reached out to the narrator, requesting the return of a coat she had left at the narrator’s house. The coat had been in the narrator’s wardrobe for over six months.
Donation Decision: Believing the coat to be one of her old items, the narrator donated it along with other clothes to a women’s aid charity.
Conflict Resolution Attempt: Upon informing Belle that the coat was gone, Belle reacted with anger, demanding compensation for the coat. The narrator refused, reasoning that leaving a valued item for such a long time indicated a lack of care.

The narrator is now questioning whether she is in the wrong for her actions. Key points to consider include:

Communication Issues: The argument stemmed from misunderstandings, exacerbated by the narrator’s autism.
Friendship Dynamics: The history of their friendship, including past conflicts and Belle’s actions, plays a significant role in the current situation.
Responsibility for Belongings: The narrator believes that Belle should have taken responsibility for her coat, especially after being reminded multiple times.

In conclusion, this situation highlights the complexities of friendship, communication challenges, and the importance of conflict resolution. The narrator is left wondering if her actions make her the asshole in this ongoing family drama.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I’ve never really written on Reddit before, but I just want to know if I would be the AH in this situation. I, a 22-year-old female, and my friend, a 20-year-old female who we will call Belle for this story, have been on the rocks with our friendship for a while. Neither of us bothered to see each other much since she stayed with me after being kicked out of her flat.

A couple of days ago, we had a huge argument about the way I spoke to her. This was on text chat, and I have autism, so that type of thing is confusing for me. She knew this.

I tried to explain and defend myself, but she victimized herself as always. She started to say I never bother with her and that she’s the only one who makes an effort. I said I only check in once in a while since her boyfriend doesn’t like her at my house anymore due to him liking being around my brother.

She had a thing with my brother out of spite when we had an argument. She got really upset and angry, calling me names and saying I was useless, then blocked me before I could reply. Fast forwarding to today, she texted me again.

“I left my coat at yours, and I’d like it back.” By this point, I had gutted my entire bedroom, and me and Belle have a very different size in weight. I thought it was one of my old coats, considering it was in the back of my wardrobe; it had been there for over half a year.

So, I chucked it in a charity bag with a lot of other clothes, taking them to a women’s aid. I told her that her coat was gone and that I had donated it. She got mad and started to demand I pay her back for the coat.

I refused, as in my head, leaving something you apparently care about so much at someone else’s house for almost seven months, despite being told to pick it up, means you no longer want that coat. I had forgotten it was hers, and I told her that it was her own fault for not listening and picking up her bits. So, AITAH in this situation?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a general agreement that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for donating the coat after multiple reminders for the friend to pick it up. Many users emphasize that the friend should have been more responsible for her belongings, especially if it was an expensive item, and that a reasonable time frame for retrieval should be established. Overall, the comments suggest that while there may have been some miscommunication, the OP’s actions were justified given the circumstances.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflict in friendships can be challenging, especially when communication styles and personal circumstances come into play. Here are some practical steps for both the narrator and Belle to consider in resolving their conflict and moving forward:

For the Narrator

Reflect on the Situation: Take some time to think about the events that led to the donation of the coat. Acknowledge your feelings and the challenges you faced in communicating with Belle.
Reach Out to Belle: If you feel comfortable, consider sending a message to Belle to express your willingness to discuss the situation. Acknowledge her feelings about the coat and the frustration it caused.
Clarify Your Perspective: When communicating with Belle, explain your thought process regarding the coat. Emphasize that you believed it was abandoned due to the time it had been left without retrieval.
Set Boundaries: Moving forward, establish clear boundaries regarding personal belongings. Consider discussing a reasonable time frame for retrieving items left at each other’s homes.

For Belle

Process Your Emotions: Take some time to reflect on your feelings about the coat and the friendship. Acknowledge your anger but also consider the context of the situation.
Communicate Openly: If you decide to reach out to the narrator, express your feelings calmly. Share why the coat was important to you and how the situation made you feel.
Consider the Friendship: Reflect on the overall dynamics of your friendship with the narrator. Think about whether the past conflicts and misunderstandings can be addressed and resolved.
Take Responsibility: Acknowledge your role in the situation, including the fact that the coat was left for an extended period. Consider how this might affect your expectations in the future.

Joint Steps for Resolution

Have a Calm Discussion: If both parties are willing, arrange a time to talk in person or over the phone. Aim for a calm and respectful conversation where both sides can express their feelings.
Apologize if Necessary: If either party feels they have wronged the other, a sincere apology can go a long way in mending the friendship.
Establish Clear Communication: Discuss how to improve communication moving forward. This may include setting up regular check-ins or agreeing on how to address misunderstandings as they arise.
Rebuild Trust: Work on rebuilding trust in the friendship by being reliable and supportive. Small gestures of kindness can help reinforce the bond.

Conflict resolution takes time and effort from both sides. By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to understand each other, both the narrator and Belle can work towards healing their friendship.