AITA for telling the guy I date that leaving cat poop in his cats fur for two days is disgusting?

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Cat Cuddles and Controversy: A Relationship Test

When a woman discovers that her boyfriend’s shy cat has cuddled up with her hair while carrying a little surprise, her reaction spirals into a debate about cleanliness and boundaries. As she grapples with her fear of germs, she questions whether her boyfriend’s laid-back attitude towards the situation is a red flag for their relationship. This relatable dilemma touches on the challenges of merging lives with pets and the differing standards of hygiene that can arise. Can love withstand the messiness of life, or is this a sign of deeper incompatibilities?

Family Drama Over Cat Care: A Conflict Resolution Dilemma

A 29-year-old woman (referred to as OP) has been in a relationship with a 31-year-old man for six months. The couple shares a home with two cats, one of which is shy and timid. The following events unfolded during a weekend stay at her boyfriend’s place:

OP spent the night at her boyfriend’s home from Saturday to Sunday.
In the middle of the night, she felt the shy cat snuggling against her head.
OP noticed a distinct smell of cat poop but assumed it was coming from the litter box and went back to sleep.

Upon waking the next morning, OP discovered:

Cat poop on her boyfriend’s bag.
A small piece of poop stuck in the fur of the shy cat.

Feeling disgusted, OP expressed her concerns to her boyfriend:

She pointed out the poop in the cat’s fur and felt uncomfortable that the cat had been so close to her.
Her boyfriend agreed to try to clean it but mentioned that the cat usually struggles during grooming.
OP suggested using scissors to snip the poop away quickly, but her boyfriend hesitated, fearing it would scare the cat.

After leaving, OP followed up two days later:

Her boyfriend informed her that he had not yet removed the poop because it would be easier to clean when dry.
OP, who has a strong aversion to germs, became increasingly upset.
She expressed her disgust and mentioned that she might avoid visiting him until the situation was resolved.

Her boyfriend dismissed her concerns, stating that she was overreacting and that it wasn’t a significant issue. OP felt that allowing the situation to persist was a major red flag, as it could lead to a messy living environment.

In light of these events, OP is left questioning:

Is she overreacting to her boyfriend’s inaction regarding the cat’s hygiene?
How should they approach conflict resolution in their relationship, especially concerning pet care?

This situation highlights the complexities of family drama and the importance of communication in resolving conflicts, particularly when it involves shared responsibilities like pet care. The tension surrounding the wedding of their relationship may also be affected by how they handle such issues moving forward.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I, 29F, have been dating this dude, 31M, for about half a year. He has two very furry cats who love to cuddle in the bed and on the sofa with us. One is very shy and timid, whereas the other one is a little goofball. This story involves the shy little lady.

So I slept at his place from Saturday to Sunday this weekend and woke up in the middle of the night by feeling the shy cat snuggle up at the top of my head. Aw, nice, I thought to myself, since she usually is a little bit afraid of me. But then I smelled the distinctive smell of cat poop.

I thought it was coming from the litter box and thought nothing of it and fell back to sleep. The following morning, we noticed that it was cat poop on his bag, which made me check the cats to see if there was anything stuck on any of them. I saw a bit of poop roughly the size of a penny stuck in the shy cat’s fur.

I pointed that out to him while feeling absolutely disgusted that the cat might have cuddled up in my hair with poop in her fur. He said that he would try to get it out, but that it would probably be hard since she usually struggles when you’re trying to groom her. I told him to just get a scissor and snip it away before she could react, but he insisted that it would be very hard and he didn’t want to scare her.

I was like, okay, he will probably fix it when I’ve left and she feels less scared, and left it at that. Today, two days later, I asked him how it went, and he told me he hadn’t gotten rid of it all yet because it’s easier to get it out when it’s dry. Now, you might think the cat is so shy that you can’t even touch her without her running away—she’s not.

I’ve petted her multiple times, and she is 100% comfortable with him, so I can’t see how he hasn’t just cut it off already. It might be worth mentioning that I have an unreasonable fear of germs and bacteria, so I freaked the fuck out. I told him it was disgusting and that I probably won’t visit him for a while since the chance of it being cat poop literally everywhere by now is BIG.

He says that I’m overreacting and it isn’t such a big deal, but I proceed to tell him that it’s a major red flag for me and that I think it’s messed up to let the whole apartment get smears of cat poop everywhere.

So, AITA for possibly overreacting to him not cleaning up his shy cat’s poop after two days?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the cat owner is not taking proper responsibility for their pet, leading to unhygienic conditions. Many users emphasize the importance of grooming long-haired cats and express concern over the owner’s neglect, suggesting that this behavior reflects poorly on their potential as a partner. Overall, the comments highlight a clear expectation that pet owners must prioritize their animals’ health and cleanliness.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

In situations like this, where pet care responsibilities intersect with relationship dynamics, it’s essential to approach the conflict with empathy and open communication. Here are some practical steps for both OP and her boyfriend to consider:

For OP:

Express Your Feelings Calmly: When discussing your concerns, try to express how the situation makes you feel rather than placing blame. Use “I” statements, such as “I feel uncomfortable when the cat’s hygiene isn’t addressed.”
Set Boundaries: If the situation continues to make you uncomfortable, it’s okay to set boundaries regarding your visits. Communicate that you want to ensure a clean environment for both you and the pets.
Educate Yourself: Learn more about cat grooming and hygiene. This knowledge can help you understand the importance of regular grooming and how to approach the topic with your boyfriend more effectively.
Offer Solutions: Suggest practical solutions, such as scheduling regular grooming sessions or finding a professional groomer who can help with the shy cat.

For the Boyfriend:

Listen to Concerns: Take OP’s feelings seriously. Acknowledge her discomfort and understand that her concerns about hygiene are valid, especially if she has a strong aversion to germs.
Take Responsibility: Recognize that as a pet owner, it’s your responsibility to maintain your cat’s hygiene. Make a plan to address the grooming issue promptly.
Communicate Openly: Share your thoughts on the situation and why you hesitated to act. Open dialogue can help both of you understand each other’s perspectives better.
Seek Help if Needed: If grooming the cat is challenging, consider asking for help from a friend or a professional groomer. This shows that you are committed to resolving the issue.

Joint Steps for Conflict Resolution:

Schedule a Discussion: Set aside time to talk about pet care responsibilities and how they impact your relationship. Make sure both of you feel heard.
Establish a Care Routine: Create a shared plan for pet care that includes grooming schedules, litter box maintenance, and any other responsibilities.
Check-In Regularly: Make it a habit to check in with each other about how things are going with the pets. This can help prevent issues from escalating in the future.
Be Patient and Understanding: Remember that change takes time. Be supportive of each other as you navigate this learning process together.

By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to collaborate, both OP and her boyfriend can strengthen their relationship while ensuring the well-being of their pets.