AITA for not going to DND because I am pregnant?

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When Pregnancy and Parenting Clash: A DND Dilemma

In a relatable tale of marital tension, a pregnant woman grapples with her husband’s insistence on attending a Dungeons & Dragons night despite her severe morning sickness. As she struggles to balance her health and responsibilities, she confronts her husband’s selfishness, leading to a heated debate about their roles as parents. This story resonates with many who have faced the challenges of partnership and parenting, especially when personal needs clash with shared commitments.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Pregnant Wife’s Dilemma

A 22-year-old woman, who we’ll refer to as the wife, has been married to her husband, Dave, for five years. They have a young daughter named Brianne and are expecting another child. The wife is currently experiencing severe morning sickness, which has led to a conflict regarding their regular Dungeons & Dragons (DND) game nights.

Background:
- The couple has been together for five years.
- They have a daughter, Brianne, and the wife is 10 weeks pregnant.
- The wife works at a preschool and typically takes Brianne to work with her.
- Dave has Tuesdays and Wednesdays off but works weekends.
Current Situation:
- The wife has been feeling extremely ill due to pregnancy symptoms.
- On the day of the DND game, she had already thrown up three times and felt the need to rest.
- Despite her condition, Dave insisted she attend the game, citing their prior agreement.
Conflict:
- The wife expressed her need to rest and suggested Dave go without her.
- Dave reacted with frustration, stating he would inform their friends that she didn’t want to attend.
- The wife communicated her situation to the DND group, who were supportive and understanding.
- Dave decided to leave Brianne at home instead of taking her to her grandparents, which upset the wife.
- The wife felt Dave’s actions were selfish and expressed her concerns about his treatment of her and their daughter.
Resolution Efforts:
- After the incident, Dave sent an apology text to the wife.
- The wife reflected on the situation and sought advice from others.
- She initiated a conversation with Dave about his behavior, expressing her feelings of being unloved and uncared for.
- Dave responded positively, acknowledging his selfishness and expressing a desire to improve.
- Following their discussion, Dave made efforts to show his commitment to being more supportive.
Conclusion:
- The wife recognizes that while Dave has moments of selfishness, he is generally a good person.
- She appreciates his willingness to change and is committed to working through their issues together.
- The couple’s journey highlights the importance of communication and conflict resolution in a marriage.

This story illustrates the complexities of family drama, especially during significant life changes like pregnancy. It emphasizes the need for open dialogue and understanding in resolving conflicts within a relationship.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I have been with my husband, let’s call him Dave, for 5 years. We have a little girl together, who I will refer to as Brianne. I am currently pregnant with our next child.

I am 10 weeks along, so it’s prime time for nausea and vomiting, and I have been experiencing a LOT of it. Every other Wednesday, my husband and I drop off our daughter at a grandparent’s house so we can play DND with our group. Today, I have thrown up 3 times and do not feel any better.

I work at a preschool, so I am lucky to be able to bring my daughter to work. I work Monday to Friday. My husband has Tuesdays and Wednesdays off and works weekends.

Even on the days Dave has off, I still take Brianne to work so he can really rest. On the weekends, I am still a mom, and Dave cannot take Brianne, so breaks are hard to come by. I was sleeping during Brianne’s nap today when my husband shook me awake to say we needed to leave right now to go to DND.

I immediately had a headache from probably being dehydrated and felt sick, so I told him I think I need to rest and not go this time. Dave was obviously frustrated, and he said, “I put my foot down, you are going.” He said we agreed to do this every other Wednesday, so we are doing it.

I told him he can still go without me. Dave continued on to say, “Well, I am just going to tell everyone, you didn’t want to come.” I told him that’s not true; I did not want to miss out, but I need to rest and not put my body through more activities right now.

So I texted the group chat to let them know I am not coming because I have been throwing up and need to rest. The whole group was very kind and understanding, saying, “We will protect Orok my character!” and “Get better!” Which was nice and actually made me tear up a little because it made me feel cared about.

Soon after I sent that to the chat, Dave said he is leaving Brianne home. I asked, “Why can you not take her still so that I can actually rest?” He said it is a waste of time to take her to grandma’s when he can just leave her here with me.

He has been fully aware of how sick I have been these past couple of weeks, as he has heard me throwing up in the bathroom. So, I told him that he is being selfish and is only thinking about himself. He got extremely flustered and started to get our daughter ready.

I told him his frustration towards me and lack of care is making me scared, and he should leave our daughter at home. Now, Dave was ignoring me. I started to plead with him to leave her here because, in my mind during this, I thought, if he cannot treat his wife with love and respect, I cannot trust him to do the same with our daughter.

He talked sweetly to Brianne in spite of his attitude towards me, though. On his way out, he was short and harsh in tone when saying bye. He texted me literally 40 minutes ago with an apology, but I am debating on if I really have anything to apologize for too.

He really got me wondering, AITA for cancelling plans?

UPDATE

First of all, thank you all for your replies! I was not expecting so many people to have interest in this story, so that was a surprise. I wish I could give you all an exciting, crazy update, but this is actually a simple and good one.

Many of you suggested that I up and leave Dave and that I am the AITA for procreating with Dave. I understand your point of view, as I did not share about Dave in the best light. This was one of those rare, out-of-normal-behavior instances for him.

My husband does struggle with selfishness at times, but he is always open to talking about things, so that is what we did. I sat Dave down and told him that his selfishness is making me feel unloved and not cared for, and I am not sure if that is someone who I would like to spend my energy on or if it is fair to our kids.

He did not get mad or defensive when I said this. I brought up our DND incident plus others that portrayed selfishness, and he apologized, saying he wants to do better for me and our kids because we deserve better than what he has been giving. He was being genuine with lots of hugs.

I told him as long as he works on it and chooses to be more selfless, we have nothing to worry about. The next day, he brought me gifts when he got home from work, which was a nice gesture to show he was thinking about me. Since talking about everything, Dave has stepped up a lot, offering to drive Lyla places and by taking on more things at home.

He is genuinely trying. Selfishness is a bad habit, and I’m not saying it is my job to fix anyone’s habits because it is not, but everyone deserves a little grace, and I am happy to help someone who is clearly trying to be better and is willing to fight to change. I had bad habits when we first started to date, and he was there for me and helped me become better, although it was not his job either.

I know a lot of you think leaving is the best option, but I would like to stay because Dave does have a good heart, and this little snippet story of our lives is not a fair representation of who he is as a person. If he does not end up changing, that is a road I will have to cross later, but for now, my husband is doing what I am needing from him and as a parent.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is NTA for wanting a break during her pregnancy, as many users empathize with her need for support and recognize her husband’s lack of involvement. Commenters express concern about the husband’s behavior, suggesting that he has been neglectful and possibly abusive, particularly as the family dynamics change with the arrival of a second child. Overall, the comments urge OP to reassess her relationship and prioritize her well-being and that of her children.

Verdict

NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflict in relationships, especially during significant life changes like pregnancy, can be challenging. Here are practical steps for both the wife and Dave to help navigate this situation and strengthen their relationship:

For the Wife

Prioritize Self-Care: Acknowledge your physical and emotional needs during this time. Rest and recovery are essential for both you and your baby.
Communicate Openly: Continue to express your feelings honestly with Dave. Use “I” statements to convey how his actions affect you, such as “I feel unsupported when I am unwell and you insist on plans.” This can help prevent defensiveness.
Set Boundaries: Clearly outline what you need from Dave during your pregnancy. This may include support with household tasks or childcare, especially when you’re feeling unwell.
Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups for pregnant women. Sharing experiences can provide comfort and practical advice.

For Dave

Reflect on Your Actions: Take time to consider how your behavior impacts your wife and family. Acknowledge that her health and well-being should be a priority.
Practice Empathy: Try to understand the physical and emotional challenges your wife is facing. Ask her how you can help and listen to her needs without judgment.
Be Flexible: Recognize that plans may need to change, especially during pregnancy. Be willing to adjust your expectations and prioritize your family’s needs over social commitments.
Engage in Open Dialogue: Encourage regular check-ins with your wife about how she’s feeling and what support she needs. This can foster a sense of teamwork and partnership.

Joint Steps for Conflict Resolution

Schedule a Calm Discussion: Set aside time to talk without distractions. Approach the conversation with a willingness to listen and understand each other’s perspectives.
Identify Solutions Together: Brainstorm ways to balance social activities with family needs. This could include alternating DND nights or finding alternative childcare options.
Establish a Support System: Discuss how you can support each other better during this transition. This may involve delegating tasks or seeking help from family and friends.
Revisit Agreements: Reassess any prior commitments or agreements you have made regarding social activities. Be open to renegotiating these based on current circumstances.

By taking these steps, both partners can work towards a healthier, more supportive relationship. Remember, the journey of parenthood is a shared experience, and open communication is key to navigating its challenges together.