WIBTA for telling my mom that I (17) shouldn’t be paying for my own antidepressants just because i’m now getting survivor benefits after my dad died?

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Struggling with Grief and Financial Pressure

In a heart-wrenching tale of loss and family dynamics, a 16-year-old grapples with the death of their father while navigating a strained relationship with their mother. As they seek help for their mental health, their mother’s unexpected financial demands create a rift, forcing the teen to question their own worth and the fairness of their situation. This story resonates with anyone who has faced the complexities of family obligations, grief, and the struggle for independence, especially in a society where mental health is often stigmatized. Can they stand their ground, or will they be pushed into a corner by familial expectations?

Family Drama Over Medication Costs

A 16-year-old is navigating a challenging family dynamic following the recent death of their father. The situation has escalated into a conflict regarding medication expenses, revealing underlying tensions and differing priorities between the teenager and their mother.

Background: The teenager’s father passed away on their mother’s birthday, leading to a complex grieving process. The parents had been divorced for ten years, and the mother appears to be coping differently than her child, who has a history of depression and mental health issues.
Therapy and Medication: Prior to the father’s passing, the teenager was attending therapy and was recently prescribed medication to help manage their depression. This development brought hope for recovery and a return to their former self.
Initial Conflict: On the day the teenager was prescribed medication, the mother expressed that she could not afford it because she needed to buy a gift for a coworker. The teenager offered to lend her money, but the mother insisted on using it for the gift instead.
Continued Delays: The mother promised to obtain the medication the following day but failed to do so. After several days of postponement, the teenager’s benefits were approved, which they had planned to save for a car needed for their senior year.
Financial Pressure: The mother is now requesting that the teenager use their newly approved benefits to pay for the medication, claiming that they have enough money. This request contradicts their previous agreement to save the funds for a car.
Emotional Strain: The teenager feels uncomfortable with the mother’s request, especially since she has a stable financial situation, having recently received a raise and additional support from her boyfriend. The teenager is hesitant to confront their mother due to past experiences where discussions led to arguments.
Seeking Resolution: The teenager is torn between wanting to avoid conflict and feeling that their mother’s request is unreasonable. They are unsure whether to comply with the request or stand their ground, fearing accusations of being ungrateful.

This situation highlights the complexities of family dynamics, particularly in the wake of loss. The teenager is faced with the challenge of conflict resolution while managing their mental health needs and navigating their mother’s expectations.

This is Original story from Reddit

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Story

Basically, what the title says. My father passed away recently when I was 16 on my mom’s birthday. My parents were divorced for 10 years when it happened, so she’s not really grieving as much as I am.

I have a history of depression and mental health issues and was attending therapy before it happened, but it has made everything worse, and I require medication. Recently, I was prescribed medication for my depression, and I was excited to start so I could be who I used to be again. The day I was prescribed, she first said she couldn’t get it because she had to use the money to get her coworker’s birthday gift.

I told her she could borrow my money before she got paid the next day for it, and she instead asked to borrow it for the gift. I said no, use it for the medicine, and she said she didn’t want to go out that day altogether. She said she’d get it the next day.

The next day, she made no effort to get it. She said she’d get it the next day, and the next day my benefits were approved. She is now making me pay for it because I’m, in her words, caked up with money.

We had agreed prior to them being approved that I would put it into savings so I could afford a car for me to use for my senior year since I’m doing a half-day schedule and would need one to get home. It feels weird to me that she’s asking me to use it for necessities when she stressed the importance of saving it. I haven’t caused a fuss about it yet because I want to avoid conflict, and usually, when I confront her about anything, it instantly results in an argument.

Should I suck it up and pay for them or fight it? She has called me ungrateful and argued with me for less, so sometimes I’m not sure if I’m actually being unreasonable or if she isn’t doing the right thing.

Edit: My mom isn’t in a bad financial situation; she recently got a raise and now makes close to six figures and also gets help with bills from her boyfriend.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around NTA due to the belief that a parent should prioritize their child’s mental health and support their treatment. Most users agree that the individual taking the initiative to purchase medication themselves is commendable, highlighting concerns about the parent’s lack of urgency regarding the teen’s depression.

Overall Verdict

NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Navigating family dynamics, especially in the wake of loss, can be incredibly challenging. Both the teenager and the mother are dealing with their grief in different ways, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflict. Here are some practical steps to help resolve the situation while addressing the needs of both parties:

For the Teenager

Communicate Openly: Find a calm moment to express your feelings to your mother. Use “I” statements to convey how her request makes you feel, such as “I feel anxious about using my benefits for medication when I had planned to save for a car.”
Set Boundaries: It’s important to establish what you are comfortable with. If you feel that using your benefits for medication is unfair, kindly but firmly communicate that to your mother.
Seek Support: Consider discussing the situation with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. They can provide perspective and help you navigate the conversation with your mother.
Explore Alternatives: Research other options for obtaining the medication, such as patient assistance programs or generic alternatives, which may alleviate some financial pressure on your mother.

For the Mother

Prioritize Your Child’s Needs: Reflect on the importance of your child’s mental health and the role medication plays in their recovery. Consider the long-term benefits of supporting their treatment over short-term financial concerns.
Open Dialogue: Initiate a conversation with your teenager about their feelings and needs. Acknowledge their discomfort with the request and validate their concerns.
Reassess Financial Priorities: Evaluate your current financial situation and consider reallocating funds to prioritize your child’s health. This may involve postponing non-essential purchases.
Seek Professional Guidance: If you’re struggling to cope with your grief and its impact on your parenting, consider speaking with a therapist. They can provide strategies for managing your emotions and improving family communication.

Joint Steps for Resolution

Schedule a Family Meeting: Set aside time for both of you to discuss the situation without distractions. This can create a safe space for open dialogue.
Collaborate on Solutions: Work together to find a compromise that addresses both the teenager’s need for medication and the mother’s financial concerns. This could involve a shared plan for covering costs.
Establish a Support System: Consider involving a neutral third party, such as a family therapist, to facilitate discussions and help mediate any conflicts that arise.

By approaching the situation with empathy and understanding, both the teenager and the mother can work towards a resolution that respects each other’s needs and strengthens their relationship during this difficult time.