AITA for asking a guest to not crochet at my bachelorette party?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When a Bachelorette Party Goes Awry

As a bride-to-be, one woman’s bachelorette party takes an unexpected turn when her brother’s girlfriend insists on crocheting during every group activity, from wine tastings to museum tours. Despite the bride’s attempts to engage her in the festivities, the girlfriend’s refusal to participate leaves the group feeling disrespected and frustrated. With tensions rising and her brother urging her to apologize, the bride grapples with the dilemma of family loyalty versus standing up for her special day. This relatable story highlights the challenges of balancing personal relationships and expectations during significant life events.

Wedding Tension: A Bachelorette Party Dilemma

As a 28-year-old bride-to-be, I was excited to celebrate my upcoming wedding with a bachelorette party. The trip took place at a cabin where I invited my three bridesmaids and a few friends. Among the guests was my brother’s girlfriend, a 36-year-old woman who had been dating him for five months. Although she wasn’t initially invited, my brother requested that I include her, explaining that she had never been to a bachelorette party before.

Initial Invitation: I agreed to invite her since the group was small and everyone was covering their own expenses.
Her Behavior: Throughout the weekend, she consistently crocheted, even during planned activities and games. When I asked her to join us, she expressed that she wanted to use her vacation time to catch up on her crochet projects, stating that our activities weren’t “fun” for her.
Disrespectful Actions: I found it disrespectful that she brought her crocheting to events like wine tastings, brunch, and museum tours, effectively disengaging from the group.
Group Activities: While I understand her passion for crocheting, I felt it was inappropriate to prioritize it during a bachelorette party, especially during bridal games held in our living room.

After the trip, my brother expressed that his girlfriend was upset with me for asking her to limit her crocheting time. He has been urging me to apologize, claiming that I ruined her experience. However, I believe that if she didn’t want to participate in bachelorette activities, she shouldn’t have attended in the first place.

Concerns About Apologizing: I value my relationship with my brother and don’t want this conflict to create tension between us.
Additional Context: I want to clarify that her crocheting was not a small project; she was working on a throw blanket that required multiple large balls of yarn, making it cumbersome to bring along to events.
Choice to Attend: I had offered her the option to stay home if the trip wasn’t her style, but she insisted on joining us for every event.
Social Dynamics: She admitted to wanting to come and had asked my brother to request my invitation. Despite this, she referred to my bachelorette party as a “basic bitch bachelorette,” indicating her lack of interest in our activities.

Ultimately, my main concern is not about seeking attention but rather about the rudeness of crocheting during group activities. I am left questioning whether I should apologize to maintain family harmony or stand my ground regarding her behavior during the trip. I would appreciate any advice on how to navigate this family drama and achieve conflict resolution.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I’m 28F getting married this year, yay! I went on my bachelorette party trip last weekend. The trip was to a cabin-type setting where we all stayed in the same house.

I have three bridesmaids but also invited some friends to come along. Part of the group is my brother’s girlfriend, 36F, and my brother is 38M. They have been together for five months, and she isn’t in the wedding party.

She wasn’t initially invited because I don’t know her well, and they live in another state. However, my brother asked me to invite her as a favor to him. He said that she’s never been invited to a bachelorette and likely never would be; I have no idea why, this is just what he told me, and hoped she could have this experience.

Since people would be paying their own way and the group wasn’t large, I figured, why not? She seemed nice enough. The problem is that during the weekend, she would insist on crocheting all the time, even during our events and games.

When I asked her to participate with us, she said that she took time off for the trip and wanted to make the most of her “vacation” by catching up on her crochet projects. She mentioned that playing games and hanging out with my friends wasn’t “fun” and she didn’t want to “waste” her days off—all her words, not mine. To be clear, I don’t care that she wants to crochet in general.

Most of our activities ended after dinner anyways, and we’d just hang out in the living room. I just asked her to save the crocheting for at night after the activities. My issue is that she was taking her crocheting with us to places like wine tasting, brunch, a museum tour, etc.

It was super disrespectful in my eyes because she’d insist on coming yet wouldn’t participate in the activity. Honestly, I was bothered that she was crocheting when we were playing bridal games, but at least that was in our living room! The trip’s over now, but apparently, she was super peeved that I asked to limit her crocheting time.

My brother’s been pestering me to apologize to her for ruining her trip. I personally don’t feel like I should because she shouldn’t have come to a bachelorette party if she didn’t want to do bachelorette-y things! But I also love my brother very much, and I don’t want this to come between us.

I’m starting to doubt myself because his girlfriend sounds really annoyed with me. Please help!

Edit

I wanted to add some details in case it helps because I think some people think I’m being a bridezilla.

She was crocheting a throw blanket about the width of my entire arm span. That’s what she was carrying with her to dinner, museums, wineries, etc. It wasn’t some small thing the size of my palm. She also had the materials for the blanket with her—about five balls of yarn? I’m not sure what you’d call it, but each ball was about the size of a cantaloupe.
We gave her the option to stay home. I told her I wouldn’t be offended if this trip wasn’t her style and she wanted to spend it crocheting. But she insisted on coming out with us to every single event.
Even though my brother asked me to bring her, she admitted to me that she wanted to come and that she had asked my brother to ask me.
She doesn’t have social anxiety. She just thought our activities were boring and a waste of her time. I mentioned this in another comment, but I overheard her calling my party a “basic bitch bachelorette,” but I didn’t want to confront her because I didn’t want to cause drama.
My biggest issue isn’t that she wasn’t giving me attention. Please! I’m a grown adult and already thankful for the friends giving me love and joy during the weekend. I just thought it was super rude to crochet such a big project during group activities. She literally brought her blanket to a museum and crocheted during a private tour!

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for the situation involving her brother’s girlfriend. Many users express that the girlfriend’s behavior, including crocheting during events and making derogatory comments about the bachelorette party, was rude and inappropriate, suggesting that she imposed her own expectations rather than engaging with the planned activities. Overall, commenters emphasize that the girlfriend’s actions detracted from the experience, and OP should not feel guilty about the outcome.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflict within families can be challenging, especially when it involves significant life events like weddings. Here are some practical steps to help you navigate this situation with empathy and understanding:

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to consider how you feel about the situation. Acknowledge your emotions regarding the girlfriend’s behavior and your desire to maintain a good relationship with your brother.
Communicate Openly with Your Brother: Schedule a calm and private conversation with your brother. Express your feelings about the bachelorette party and how the girlfriend’s actions affected you and the group. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as “I felt hurt when she chose to crochet during our planned activities.”
Listen to His Perspective: Allow your brother to share his thoughts and feelings about the situation. Understanding his perspective can help you both find common ground. Acknowledge his feelings about his girlfriend’s disappointment, even if you don’t agree with her actions.
Consider a Compromise: If your brother feels strongly about the situation, consider discussing a potential compromise. For example, you could express that while you respect her hobby, you hope she can engage more during group activities in the future. This shows that you are open to finding a solution without compromising your feelings.
Address the Girlfriend Directly (if comfortable): If you feel it’s appropriate, consider having a direct conversation with the girlfriend. Approach her with kindness and express how her actions impacted the group dynamic. You might say, “I noticed you seemed more interested in crocheting than participating, and it made me feel like our time together wasn’t valued.”
Set Boundaries for Future Events: If you plan to have more gatherings in the future, consider setting clear expectations for participation. You could communicate that while everyone is welcome to bring personal projects, the focus will be on group activities. This can help prevent similar issues from arising.
Prioritize Family Harmony: Ultimately, your relationship with your brother is important. If you feel that an apology would help ease tensions, consider offering a sincere apology for any hurt feelings, without taking responsibility for her actions. You could say, “I’m sorry if my request made her feel unwelcome; that wasn’t my intention.”

Remember, it’s essential to approach this situation with empathy for both your brother and his girlfriend while also standing firm in your feelings about the bachelorette party. Open communication and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives can go a long way in resolving family conflicts.