AITA My BF goes on walks for 5-7 hours and doesn’t communicate where he is

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When Support Turns into Concern: A Relationship Dilemma

In a five-year relationship, a woman grapples with her boyfriend’s extreme anxiety and his habit of disappearing on late-night adventures without communication. While she tries to be supportive, his lack of updates leaves her worried and feeling disrespected, leading to a clash over what constitutes reasonable boundaries. As she seeks advice on whether her concerns are valid or if she’s being controlling, the story raises questions about mental health, trust, and the complexities of love. This relatable scenario resonates with many who have navigated the fine line between support and self-preservation in relationships.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Wedding Tension Story

In a relationship marked by anxiety and communication challenges, a woman (36F) finds herself grappling with her boyfriend’s (37M) behavior during his long walks. Their five-year relationship has been tested by a series of incidents that raise concerns about trust and respect.

Background: The couple has been together for five years, during which the boyfriend has struggled with extreme anxiety and panic attacks. To cope, he often takes long walks, a practice that his girlfriend supports.
Communication Issues: While the walks are intended to help him calm down, they frequently lead to extended absences without any updates. The girlfriend has experienced numerous sleepless nights, waking up at odd hours only to find him still missing.
Frantic Calls: During these times, she has made frantic calls to locate him, only to receive reluctant responses. He often accuses her of being unreasonable and controlling, which adds to the tension.
Concerning Locations: The girlfriend has discovered her boyfriend in various questionable situations, including:

Bars, including some that were closed.
A hotel across town with unfamiliar individuals.
Friends’ houses she does not know.
Breakfast and drinks with strangers.
A heart-to-heart conversation at a 55-year-old woman’s house.
Parties with people he met during his walks.

Emotional Impact: The girlfriend feels disrespected and worried about his safety and well-being. She believes that his lack of communication during these outings is a significant issue that needs to be addressed.

Seeking Help: After reflecting on the situation, she suspects that her boyfriend may require psychiatric care or could be struggling with alcohol addiction. This realization has prompted her to seek advice from others, hoping to gain confidence in addressing his mental health needs.

Backup Plan: The girlfriend intends to use the feedback from her online discussion as a reference point to demonstrate that her concerns are valid and that the situation is serious.

In summary, the couple faces significant challenges in their relationship due to communication breakdowns and differing perceptions of respect and control. The girlfriend’s worries about her boyfriend’s behavior during his walks have led to a deeper exploration of his mental health and the need for conflict resolution.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

Me 36F and my boyfriend 37M have been together for five years. He has extreme anxiety and panic attacks and will take long walks to calm down, which I am supportive of.

On numerous occasions, these walks have turned into other adventures, and he doesn’t update me. I have woken up at 3 AM, 5 AM, or even 8 AM the next morning to find him still not home.

After worried and frantic calls, he will reluctantly answer and make me out to be unreasonable and controlling. The places I have located him at after hours of no contact are numerous bars, bars that are closed, at a hotel across town with random people, friends’ houses I do not know, breakfast and drinks with strangers, a 55-year-old woman’s house having a heart-to-heart, and parties with strangers he met on his walk.

AITA for being worried and angry when he doesn’t communicate where he is going if his walks turn into hangouts with friends? I think it’s extremely disrespectful; he says I’m being controlling.

UPDATE

Thanks for your replies, everyone. I have been suspecting for a while that he either needs psychiatric care or has an alcohol addiction, or both.

He hasn’t been listening to me, and I needed the help of a bunch of strangers on the internet to feel confident in addressing his need for mental health care. I wanted to have this written thread as a backup to show him that I’m not being unreasonable and that this is a big issue.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the boyfriend’s behavior is suspicious and likely indicative of deeper issues, such as infidelity or addiction. Many users emphasize that the excuses related to panic attacks are unconvincing and suggest that the boyfriend is gaslighting the original poster (OP). Overall, commenters urge OP to trust her instincts and recognize that her partner’s actions are not those of a healthy relationship.

Verdict: YTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

In navigating the complexities of your relationship, it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy and a focus on open communication. Here are some practical steps to help both you and your boyfriend address the underlying issues and work towards a healthier dynamic.

For the Girlfriend (OP)

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to understand your emotions and concerns. Write them down if it helps clarify your thoughts. Acknowledge your feelings of worry and disrespect, as they are valid.
Initiate a Calm Conversation: Choose a time when both of you are calm to discuss your feelings. Use “I” statements to express how his actions impact you, such as “I feel anxious when I don’t hear from you during your walks.”
Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your need for updates during his walks. Suggest a compromise, such as a quick text every hour, to ease your anxiety while respecting his need for space.
Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest that he consider speaking with a mental health professional. Frame it as a way to support his well-being, rather than as a criticism of his current coping mechanisms.
Seek Support for Yourself: Consider talking to a therapist or joining a support group. This can help you process your feelings and gain perspective on the relationship dynamics.

For the Boyfriend

Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your behavior during your walks. Consider how your actions may be affecting your girlfriend and the trust in your relationship.
Open Up About Your Anxiety: Share your feelings and experiences related to your anxiety and panic attacks. Being vulnerable can help your girlfriend understand your perspective better.
Communicate Proactively: Make an effort to communicate your whereabouts during your walks. This can help alleviate her worries and foster trust in the relationship.
Consider Professional Help: If you suspect that your anxiety or any other issues may be impacting your relationship, seeking help from a mental health professional can provide you with tools to cope more effectively.
Be Open to Feedback: Listen to your girlfriend’s concerns without becoming defensive. Acknowledge her feelings and work together to find solutions that respect both of your needs.

Moving Forward Together

Both partners must be willing to engage in honest dialogue and make compromises. Building a healthy relationship requires trust, respect, and understanding. By addressing these issues together, you can create a stronger foundation for your future.