AITA – asking wife to not breastfeed – Goofy Giggles

AITA – asking wife to not breastfeed

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Dad vs. Mom: The Sleep Schedule Showdown

In a relatable tale of parenting struggles, a stay-at-home dad finds himself at odds with his wife over their 4-month-old son’s feeding and sleep schedule. While he meticulously follows a routine that ensures their baby sleeps through the night, his wife prefers a more flexible approach that disrupts their son’s rest. As tensions rise, both parents grapple with the challenges of balancing work, parenting, and their differing philosophies on child-rearing. This story raises thought-provoking questions about communication, parenting roles, and the sacrifices made in the name of family.

Family Drama Over Baby’s Feeding Schedule

A stay-at-home dad is facing conflict resolution challenges with his wife regarding their 4-month-old son’s feeding and sleeping schedule. The couple’s differing approaches have led to significant wedding tension and exhaustion for both parents.

The dad has been the primary caretaker during the day while his wife works three days in the office and two days remotely.
He has established a strict feeding and napping schedule for their son, which has resulted in the baby sleeping well at night.
The wife prefers a more flexible approach, believing that babies should not be treated like clocks, which leads to frequent feedings and disrupted sleep for the baby.
When the wife works from home, she often disregards the established schedule, causing the baby to wake up more frequently at night.
The dad feels exhausted after managing the baby and household chores, leading to conflicts when his wife expresses her fatigue in the mornings.

Recent Conflict

Two days ago, the wife requested to feed their son directly while working from home. The dad suggested sticking to the bottle to maintain the baby’s schedule, which led to a heated argument.

The wife reacted strongly, asserting her right as a parent to make decisions about their son’s care.
The dad clarified that he was not asking her to stop breastfeeding altogether, as they have established a routine that includes breastfeeding at night.
He acknowledged that the issue might be more about bonding than the schedule itself but expressed concern over the baby’s sleep quality.

Updates and Reflections

In subsequent updates, the dad provided additional context:

He clarified that their son only consumes breast milk, either directly or from pumped bottles.
He emphasized that he is on a temporary leave from his job to support his wife’s career advancement.
As a board-certified pediatrician, he understands the importance of sleep for a baby’s development and believes that a fed baby is the priority.
He acknowledged the need for better communication with his wife regarding their son’s feeding and sleeping schedule.

Conclusions

The dad recognized several key points for improvement:

He needs to educate himself more about breastfeeding and its impact on both mother and baby.
He aims to work collaboratively with his wife to achieve better sleep quality for everyone.
He must consider his wife’s feelings as a new mother while balancing the baby’s needs.

Overall, this situation highlights the complexities of parenting, especially in the context of family drama and differing parenting styles. The couple is navigating their way through conflict resolution to find a balance that works for both parents and their child.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I am a STAH dad, and our son is 4 months old. My wife works and is in the office 3 days a week, 2 days remote.

In the past 4 months, I have been the primary caretaker of our son during the day. Mom gets up with him at night, unless it’s a bad night and he wakes up more than twice. Then I will get up and help, mainly because she likes to breastfeed and put him back to sleep.

More than twice, then we will get a bottle. During the day, I have our son’s eating and nap schedule perfectly calculated, and this results in him sleeping really well and completely through the night. Counter to what you may think, an overtired baby doesn’t sleep great, so I am very precise on feeding schedules, bottles with breastmilk, and nap times.

When my wife works from home, she does not agree to follow my schedule, saying babies aren’t clocks. It’s fine if I feed him breastmilk now, even when he’s not crying, fussing, or ready for a bottle. The problem with this is he doesn’t eat as much from her versus a bottle, so he gets hungry more frequently and doesn’t have enough before a nap to last longer than 30 minutes.

This leads to not enough sleep during the day and results in really bad nights. Our son is not down for sleep until 11 PM, up at 2 AM to 3 AM, up again at 4-5 AM, and then wakes up at 7:45 AM to 8:15 AM. So here’s the issue: I am exhausted after a full day with our son and cleaning the house and cooking dinner that I sleep really heavy the first couple of hours I go down.

Once 2 AM-3 AM rolls around, I can get up no problem, but I won’t be able to go back to bed. So I’ll start my day taking our son with me, and I’ll start cleaning the kitchen from the night before, laundry, etc. Once my wife gets up, we start arguing immediately about how tired she is and how I didn’t help take care of our son at night, etc.

This is never an issue on the days that she works from the office. Two days ago, she was working from home, and she asked me to bring her our son so she could feed him. I asked if we could stick to a bottle and stay on his schedule, please.

He does better at night when we stick to the schedule. This apparently was the dumbest thing I’ve ever suggested, so I explained how he sleeps better at night when we follow the schedule and can eat enough in one sitting from a bottle. I alluded to her not breastfeeding anymore, and she lost it, telling me that I won’t tell her how to take care of our son and that she has as much right as a parent to do whatever she wants with our son as I do.

So, AITA for trying to keep to a schedule so everyone sleeps and I don’t get ridiculed for not waking up before 3 AM?

UPDATE

I could have worded a few sentences above a little better, so here are some clarifications. Our son does not drink formula; mom either breastfeeds or pumps her milk and freezes it. That’s what I use for the bottles.

I did not ask her to stop breastfeeding altogether; they have a moment together right before bed every night after I bathe him and the occasional time during the night that he’s up and fussy. Mom has no problems with pumping; it doesn’t hurt her, no cracked skin, etc.

I agree it may be more of a bonding issue than with my schedule, but I struggle to agree that she needs to breastfeed all day when she’s at home, and then the baby sleeps horribly, and then I get blamed because I can’t wake up until 2-3 AM to help with the problem she’s creating.

UPDATE 2

I selectively left some details out to draw out the men-hating trolls. To the people saying I need to man up and get a job, I do have a job, but my wife is in the middle of a career-making deal, so we decided that I would take a 9-month leave so she could pursue her passion.

I am a board-certified Pediatrician and understand the importance of a baby’s schedule. If breastfeeding is impacting sleep growth, as sleep is key to brain development, we advise moms to supplement or switch to bottles. Breastfeeding isn’t the only way a mom can bond with a baby; a fed and healthy baby is best, regardless of the milk delivery method.

A lot of solid advice on communicating and syncing up mom’s pump schedule with the baby’s schedule; thank you, I will give that a try.

UPDATE 3

I did not suggest “Breast is not the best”; I only implied that if a mom can’t breastfeed or breastfeeding is impacting sleep growth, that it is okay and that breastfeeding is not the only bonding method for a mom. A fed and healthy baby is the most important thing; part of that includes enough sleep.

A 4-month-old should be getting 10-14 hours of sleep per day for healthy development. Three 30-minute naps and broken sleep during the night is not healthy. No disagreement on the bond and comfort that a mom provides from breastfeeding.

Conclusions

I need to educate myself more on lactation and breastfeeding and how that affects the mom, not just the baby. I need to communicate with my wife on how we can work together to get better quality sleep; 1 or 2 times up per night isn’t bad at all, and we can work through it, all while giving her as many opportunities to breastfeed as possible.

I need to consider her feelings as a mom to only a 4-month-old. Thanks to all. Seems like I was teetering towards the YTA side.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments emphasize the importance of communication and understanding between the parents regarding breastfeeding and scheduling. Many users suggest that the mother should continue breastfeeding when possible to maintain her bond with the baby, while also considering the father’s desire for a consistent feeding schedule. Overall, the comments highlight the need for a collaborative approach to parenting, acknowledging the emotional challenges faced by the mother and the necessity of compromise.

Verdict: NAH

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Navigating the complexities of parenting, especially with a newborn, can be challenging. It’s essential for both parents to feel heard and understood while working towards a solution that benefits their child. Here are some practical steps to help resolve the conflict:

For the Dad

Open Communication: Initiate a calm discussion with your wife about the feeding and sleeping schedule. Express your feelings and concerns without placing blame. Use “I” statements, such as “I feel overwhelmed when the schedule is disrupted.”
Educate Yourself: Take the time to learn more about breastfeeding and its benefits. Understanding the emotional and physical aspects of breastfeeding can help you empathize with your wife’s perspective.
Be Flexible: While maintaining a schedule is important, consider allowing some flexibility when your wife is working from home. Discuss specific times when she can feed the baby directly without significantly disrupting the established routine.
Support Each Other: Acknowledge the hard work both of you are putting into parenting. Offer to take on additional household tasks to alleviate some of your wife’s fatigue, especially on days when she works from home.

For the Wife

Listen Actively: Make an effort to understand your husband’s perspective on the feeding and sleeping schedule. Acknowledge his role as the primary caretaker during the day and the exhaustion he feels.
Maintain Bonding Time: While it’s important to respect the established schedule, find opportunities to bond with your baby through breastfeeding during designated times, such as before bed or during breaks from work.
Collaborate on Solutions: Work together to create a feeding and sleeping plan that incorporates both your flexible approach and your husband’s structured schedule. This could involve setting specific times for breastfeeding and bottle-feeding.
Express Your Needs: Share your feelings about being a new mother and the importance of your bond with the baby. Let your husband know when you need support or when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Joint Steps for Both Parents

Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Set aside time each week to discuss how the feeding and sleeping schedule is working for both of you. Adjust as necessary based on your baby’s needs and your own experiences.
Seek Professional Guidance: Consider consulting a pediatrician or a lactation consultant for advice on balancing feeding schedules and breastfeeding. They can provide insights that may help both of you feel more confident in your decisions.
Practice Patience: Understand that parenting is a learning process. Be patient with each other as you navigate this journey together, and recognize that adjustments will be necessary as your baby grows.

By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to compromise, both parents can work towards a harmonious parenting experience that supports their child’s well-being and strengthens their relationship.