AITA for telling my mother to pay when she demanded I keep my opinion regarding a shared present that I was making

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Family Expectations Clash with Creative Integrity

In a heartfelt tale of family dynamics and creative boundaries, a semi-professional tailor finds herself at odds with her mother over a custom gift for her newborn niece. After her mother insists on a specific fabric that clashes with the design, tensions rise when the tailor asserts her right to an opinion on a project she’s doing for free. This relatable story highlights the challenges of navigating family relationships while maintaining professional standards, making readers reflect on their own experiences with expectations and boundaries. Can you really separate family from business, or is it all intertwined?

Family Drama Over Custom Pillow Gift

A 26-year-old semi-professional tailor finds herself in a conflict with her mother regarding a custom gift for her sister-in-law (SIL), who recently had a baby. The situation escalates into family drama, highlighting issues of communication and expectations in gift-giving.

Background: The tailor has been sewing since age 7 and takes on custom orders as a side hustle.
SIL’s Preferences: The SIL prefers muted, soft, pastel colors for her baby’s items and shared a specific to-buy list during her pregnancy.
Mother’s Gift Idea: The tailor’s mother wants to gift a decorative pillow, inspired by a childhood memory of the SIL’s husband. She requests the tailor to create it, including an embroidered design.
Design Process: The tailor’s fiancé, a professional illustrator, creates and vectorizes the design, which is approved by the mother. They decide on yellow for the pillow’s background.
Conflict Arises: When the mother presents the fabric, it is a bright banana peel yellow, which clashes with the soft pastel design. The tailor expresses concern that the design will not stand out against the fabric.
Communication Breakdown: The mother insists on her choice, stating, “I want you to service me without your opinion.” The tailor responds by suggesting that if her opinion is not valued, she should pay for the service.
Professional Standards: The tailor has a clause in her terms of service that outlines additional charges for clients who do not want input on their custom orders. This situation is not isolated, as she has encountered similar issues in the past.
Financial Considerations: If this were a commissioned project, the costs would include $70 for the illustration, $40 for materials, and approximately $30 for labor.

The tailor is left questioning whether she was in the wrong for asking her mother to pay for the service when she disregarded her professional opinion. This incident raises broader themes of conflict resolution and expectations in family dynamics, particularly during wedding tension and gift-giving occasions.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I, 26, am a semi-professional tailor. I picked up sewing when I was 7 and have been expanding my knowledge ever since as a hobby. I do custom orders as a side hustle.

My SIL, 34F, recently gave birth to my niece. She has requirements for her baby’s stuff to be in muted, soft, pastel colors. Although, ideally, SIL doesn’t want unrequested gifts, she shared a to-buy list with us when she was pregnant.

My mother, 56F, wants to gift her a decorative pillow because my brother, SIL’s husband, liked to fight pillows when he was a baby. She requested I make it because she wants a design embroidered on it, and my sewing machine has embroidery software and hoops where I can load custom designs. Mother requested I pick the design, and I tasked my fiancé, 25, to do the design since they are a professional illustrator.

The design got approved, and they vectorized it for me. Then the colors got picked. We agreed on yellow, and we adjusted the design to be colored. Again, all was approved. Mother then decided to buy a fabric.

Today, she finally showed me the fabric… it’s banana peel yellow. The design will blend in since it’s in very soft, pastel colors that are easy on the eye. I said this fabric won’t work and offered fabrics I had on hand in the colors off-white and beige.

After all, we are talking about a background color for a pillow with embroidery. I argued a bit with her when she dropped, “I want you to service me without your opinion.” I responded with, “then pay me,” since I was doing this pro bono.

Ironically, this isn’t a standalone case to the point that I have a clause in my ToS and in the commission contract stating that “if you want a lack of opinion, there’s a $50 upcharge to handle the time prepared for ‘This doesn’t look as I imagined,’ which is often the case afterward.” I can follow instructions to a T, but if you want a pencil skirt and give me a specific pattern, I’ll not tailor it to your specific body, and it will not fit properly—just an example of what I had to do in the past.

So, AITA for telling my mother to pay when she demanded I keep my opinion regarding a shared present I was making?

And one last thing: if that was commissioned by an external party, it would cost $70 for the illustration, $40 for materials, and additionally about $30 for labor.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong agreement that the original poster is not at fault (NTA) for refusing to work with inappropriate materials chosen by their mother. Many users emphasize the importance of respecting one’s expertise and the right to decline work that does not meet quality standards, especially when it involves personal time and effort. Additionally, there is a suggestion to create a gift that aligns with the new parents’ preferences, rather than succumbing to the mother’s choices.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Family dynamics can be challenging, especially when it comes to gift-giving and personal projects. Here are some practical steps to help both the tailor and her mother navigate this situation with empathy and understanding:

For the Tailor

Communicate Clearly: Schedule a calm conversation with your mother to express your feelings. Use “I” statements to convey how her request made you feel, such as “I felt undervalued when my opinion was dismissed.”
Reiterate Your Expertise: Remind your mother of your experience and the importance of quality in your work. Explain how the chosen fabric may not align with the aesthetic preferences of the SIL.
Offer Alternatives: Suggest creating a different gift that aligns with the SIL’s preferences. This could be a collaborative effort where both you and your mother can contribute ideas.
Set Boundaries: If you feel your professional standards are not being respected, it’s okay to set boundaries. Explain that you are willing to help, but only if your expertise is acknowledged.

For the Mother

Listen Actively: Take the time to listen to your daughter’s concerns. Acknowledge her expertise and the effort she puts into her work.
Consider the Recipient’s Preferences: Reflect on the SIL’s tastes and preferences. A gift that resonates with her style will likely be more appreciated.
Collaborate on the Design: Instead of insisting on a specific design, invite your daughter to collaborate on the pillow. This can foster a sense of teamwork and respect for each other’s ideas.
Respect Professional Boundaries: Understand that your daughter is running a business and may have specific terms and conditions. If you want her to create something for you, consider compensating her fairly for her time and expertise.

Conclusion

By approaching the situation with open communication and a willingness to compromise, both the tailor and her mother can work towards a resolution that honors their relationship and the preferences of the new parents. Remember, the goal is to create a meaningful gift that reflects love and thoughtfulness.