AITA for yelling at a mom and her kid to get out of my home?

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When DnD Meets Parenting: A Game Night Gone Wrong

In a bid to welcome a new player into her DnD campaign, a woman finds herself navigating the chaotic intersection of gaming and parenting when her friend’s mom brings her toddler along. What starts as a friendly gathering quickly spirals into a stressful situation filled with unexpected messes and safety concerns, leading to a dramatic confrontation. As tensions rise, she must confront not only the challenges of hosting but also the backlash from her friends and community. This story resonates with anyone who’s ever struggled to balance personal interests with the realities of adult responsibilities, making it a thought-provoking exploration of boundaries and expectations.

Am I the Asshole for My Reaction During a DnD Session?

Recently, I (28F) found myself in a challenging situation during a Dungeons and Dragons (DnD) campaign I started with friends. Here’s a breakdown of the events that unfolded, leading to family drama and conflict resolution issues:

Campaign Invitation: I initiated a new DnD campaign and invited several friends. One friend, Sarah, requested to bring her friend Anne, a mother who rarely gets adult time. I agreed, despite concerns about Anne’s potential flakiness due to childcare responsibilities.
Attendance Issues: Over two months, Anne canceled every proposed first session at the last minute. I informed her that if she couldn’t attend the next session, she would be welcome to join one-shots instead. She assured me she would make it.
Unexpected Arrival: Anne finally attended but brought her toddler without prior notice. The child immediately needed to use the bathroom, resulting in a mess that I asked Anne to clean up, which made her visibly uncomfortable.
Distractions at the Table: Once seated, the toddler began running around, creating chaos. Despite Anne’s attempts to calm him by holding him in her lap, the child was surrounded by mini figurines, dice, and drinks—many of which posed choking hazards. I expressed my concerns, but Anne insisted her child was gentle.
Escalating Tensions: After the child knocked over a glass, I requested Anne to take him outside to calm down while I made the table safer. She complied, albeit embarrassed, and I removed hazardous items from the table.
Dog Incident: When Anne and her child returned, my dog came out to drink water. I have a strict house rule to ignore the dog, which I had communicated beforehand. The child spotted the dog and ran towards it, causing me to intervene. He collided with me and fell, leading to a tantrum.
Confrontation: Anne reacted by yelling at me, and in a moment of frustration, I asked her to leave my home. Sarah, who had carpooled with Anne, chose to leave with her, expressing annoyance over the situation.
Aftermath: The remaining friends and I continued the session, albeit awkwardly, but eventually enjoyed the night. However, the next day, I discovered local social media was buzzing with criticism of my actions, labeling me as controlling and discriminatory. Sarah, a long-time friend, has since stopped speaking to me.

In light of these events, I am left questioning whether I was in the wrong. AITA for my reaction during the DnD session?

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

A few months ago, I (28F) started a new DnD campaign and invited a few friends. One of them, Sarah, asked if her friend Anne could join. Anne is a mom who doesn’t get many chances to hang out with adults, so I agreed, even though I knew she might be flaky due to childcare responsibilities.

I asked Anne if she could attend at least the first few sessions to get familiar with the game, and she agreed. She then proceeded to cancel, mostly last minute, every proposed first session for the next two months. I told her I’m sorry, but if she can’t make it to the next proposed session, she won’t be in long campaigns; she’s still welcome to join one-shots.

She apologized and said she’ll make it. She made it, but brought her toddler without asking. As soon as they came, the kid needed to use the bathroom.

He made a mess since he can’t fully use an adult toilet yet. I told Anne that’s fine but asked her to clean it up. This surprised her, and she started being a bit on edge.

We finally sat down at the table, and the kid started running around, looking for things to do. I was a bit stressed out by this. Anne noticed and put him in her lap.

But now the kid was at the table, which was covered in mini figurines, dice, pretty pictures, and maps, most being a choking hazard, along with glasses of various drinks. The kid started fussing about wanting to play with them. I was telling Anne no because it’s not safe; she told me he’s gentle and doesn’t put stuff in his mouth—we bickered while her kid was throwing a tantrum.

After the kid knocked over a glass, I loudly asked her to step out into the backyard and calm him down a bit while I made the table safer. She did, visibly embarrassed, and I removed everything except for plain-looking papers, pens, and paper cups.

I also did my best to calm down, as this entire thing stressed me out to hell and back at this point. They came back, and things were fine for a minute. That is, until my dog came out of my bedroom to drink water.

Now, I don’t have many house rules, but I have one that’s important: ignore the dog. They were informed of that before coming over. The kid spotted her and yelled “DOGGY”; Anne put him down “to say hi.” He made a full-speed beeline at my dog while making grabbing motions and yelling.

I stopped him by stepping out in front of him; he ran into me, fell down, and started crying. Anne started screaming at me, I screamed back, and very swiftly told her to get the f out of my home. Sarah was annoyed and told us it took them an hour and a half to get to me, then went with Anne since they carpooled.

The rest stayed; it was awkward for half an hour or so, but we ended up having fun, and they even stayed for the night. I then woke up to the local Facebook groups and people’s Instagram stories calling me a controlling asshole, saying I’m “discriminating” against various players, being too strict, and “have a dangerous dog.”

To add insult to injury, Sarah, who I’ve been friends with for years, is not speaking to me. So, AITA?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the host is NTA for asking the guest to leave after she brought her toddler without prior notice and failed to manage the child’s behavior. Many users emphasize that it is the parent’s responsibility to ensure their child is entertained and to respect the host’s boundaries, especially in a setting where adult activities are taking place. Overall, the comments highlight the importance of communication and respect in social gatherings, particularly when children are involved.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflict in social settings, especially when children are involved, can be challenging to navigate. Here are some practical steps for both the host and the guest to consider in order to resolve the situation amicably and prevent future misunderstandings.

For the Host (You)

Reflect on the Situation: Take some time to think about the events that transpired. Acknowledge your feelings of frustration but also consider Anne’s perspective as a parent trying to balance her responsibilities.
Reach Out to Anne: Initiate a conversation with Anne. Apologize for the way the situation escalated and express your understanding of her challenges as a parent. This can help to mend the relationship.
Set Clear Boundaries: In future gatherings, clearly communicate your expectations regarding children. If you prefer a child-free environment, make that known in advance to avoid similar situations.
Consider a Compromise: If you are open to it, suggest a separate gathering that is more family-friendly, allowing Anne to participate without the pressure of adult-only activities.
Engage with Your Friends: Talk to your other friends about the incident. This can help you gauge their perspectives and reinforce your support network during this time.

For Anne

Reflect on Your Actions: Consider how bringing your child to an adult-focused event without prior notice may have impacted the host and other guests. Acknowledging this can help you understand the host’s perspective.
Communicate Openly: Reach out to the host to express your feelings about the incident. Share your challenges as a parent and your intention to participate in the campaign, while also acknowledging the difficulties that arose.
Plan Ahead: In the future, if you wish to bring your child to social gatherings, communicate this in advance and ensure that you have a plan for managing their behavior during the event.
Seek Support: If you find it difficult to balance social activities and parenting, consider seeking support from other parents or friends who can help you navigate these situations.
Be Open to Feedback: Understand that feedback from friends, even if it feels harsh, can be an opportunity for growth. Be willing to listen and adapt your approach in future gatherings.

Moving Forward

Conflict resolution often requires empathy and understanding from both parties. By taking these steps, both you and Anne can work towards rebuilding your friendship and ensuring that future gatherings are enjoyable for everyone involved.